I'm never happier than when I'm soaping. It's an absolutely incredible feeling. It's like... freedom. It's like... I've made a break for it and I'm outta the door. It's like... it doesn't matter what's going on in the real world, I'm here in my own little world, and... I'm free.
I was feeling so great when I broke out the soaping clothes today, that in wondering what music I wanted to be spurring me on, I was taken right back to my teenage years. Yeah... we all had those. Least said soonest mended and all that. I think the one thing about growing up is that you can look back and be aware of what you put your parents through... with a full blown cringe. My poor mother. That's all I can say. You know... I still apologize to her regularly in our phone calls whenever the subject of children comes up. I don't think you can be sorry enough when you've put loved ones through hell. So, here's another apology while I'm on the subject... "OMG, Mum... I was a nightmare for you. I'm so sorry!"
So... in choosing my music this morning I remembered one particular song that used to cause me to feel so... hmm... what's the word to describe it... to feel so... resolved. Yes... that's the word I'm looking for. Resolved. But not just any common or garden feeling of resolve. No, this kind of being resolved brings with it an incredible feeling of, "I am running so free, nothing can catch me."
And that's how I was feeling this morning. Not a care in the world. Maybe. Sometimes, things get on top of you and you don't even know it. So I'm looking at that. For some reason this morning, I chose to soap with my old friend, Dobie. Maybe deep inside I just wanted to feel like nothing out there matters, and it brought to mind that old teenage resolve. You know the one I mean. Where you get the last word in and slam the back door behind you leaving your poor mother in tears. And what's more, you know you've left her in tears and you just don't care. You're gonna live your life how you want. After all... you're right. What do they know anyway?
Course... you can stamp your feet, and cover your ears saying to yourself, "Neh, neh... I can't hear you." You can do that all you want. But somewhere in your head you have heard, and you're really screaming out for it all to be sorted. You just don't want to be the one to back down, because... well, as a teenager, you're just too proud to admit you're an insensitive jerk.
You know what... I'm glad I'm grown up. I'd hate to be the age I am now, and still feel the same way that I did when I was a rebellious teen. And I'm glad I had the where-with-all to tell my mum years later that I was sorry for what I'd put her through. Moreover, I'm glad I could actually feel some real pain, embarrassment, and true discomfort for the way I'd been with her.
That's the backdrop to today's music. It was always an anthem that stopped common sense from taking over. Course, I'm all grown up now. I'm older. I'm wiser. I've had my kids. They're out in the wide world with their own life's events to grow from. It feels so great to hear the music, and be at a point in my life where its effect of drowning out the real world isn't needed. A point in my life where those days and my unforgivable insensitive behaviour are long long behind me. And you know what I've realized in dusting off this old song? I've realized that with no angst to feel while it's playing, the song is an absolute cracker of a song. I never fully appreciated that when I was young. I was too busy rebelling. OMG... what blinkers (blinders) I was wearing back then.
To rebels everywhere. To all those who are still on the journey of growing up. Whatever your age, may you hear this song without angst and feel true appreciation for the music. To everyone else... enjoy. It really is a get-up-and-go song.
Dobie Gray, 1966 - Out On The Floor